I Love You, Beth Cooper by Larry Doyle

"For all its obsessive analysis, Denis's Biggest Brain had neglected to consider two relevant facts. Big Brains often have this problem: Albert Einstein was said to be so absentminded that he once brushed his teeth with a power drill. But even Einstein (who, according to geek mythology, bagged Marilyn Monroe) would not have overlooked these facts; even Einstein's brain, pickling in a jar at Princeton, would be able to grasp the infinitudinous import of these two simple facts, which now hung over Denis's huge head like a sword of Damocles -- or to the non-honors graduates, like a sick fart.

The two incontrovertible, insurmountable, damn sad facts were these:

Beth Cooper was the head cheerleader;

Denis Cooverman was captain of the debate team."

This may not be the most groundbreaking book you can read, but it is certainly one of the most likable. The hardcover shows a drawing of a scared, excited, sweating, generously nervous guy with a thought bubble declaring, in capital letters, "I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER." The capitals are just a font choice, a very appropriate one.

It's a cliche, to be sure: the debate team captain and all-around science-geek has had a long-standing crush on the head cheerleader and most popular girl in school, whom he has sat behind in nearly all of his classes. The book opens with his, Denis's, graduation speech, wherein he declares the title of the book. The plot develops from there.

The action develops dramatically and quickly. The more violent scenes are truly outrageous and very effective - you worry for the character at the same time you know he's going to be fine. The relationships between the characters move at the perfect pace for teenagers, and reminds me of how much, or little, it took to feel connected to a peer at that age.

Doyle really does cover every stop along the way: nerdy protagonist with hapless best friend and helpless love for beautiful girl who barely knows he's alive. Drinking, drugs, sex, violence, reckless driving, and so forth, ensue. There's even a wonderfully tiny subplot focused on Denis's parents.

This novel is the literary equivalent of film's love for "teen comedy" ala John Hughes. It's the golden age of 80s teenage-representation, but this time in print. True to its genre, the book starts each chapter with a simple quote from well-known cinematic teenagers such as Max Fischer and Lloyd Dobler. It's a simple, easy, safe structure, but unless you have green criticism coursing through your veins, you'll love it anyway.

One thing this book gives you that an 80s movie has thus failed to is our protagonist's inner dialogue. Of course, we have Bueller's mugging at the camera and whatnot, but that's different from what we get here. We have a nice parallel between what Denis is actually thinking (say, calculating cancer statistics while watching Beth light a cigarette) and what he says ("I actually don't know any cancer statistics"). Although you could get a sense of such a personality on the screen, there's something very realistic about having it reinforced scene by scene. The reader understands just how smart Denis is, and just how integrated into his life learning is. He is instantly more than just a geek to the reader.

I could go on, but it's useless. Cooper is perfect (allow me to stress perfect) in what it does.

Capturing high school life can be difficult to do. Especially for someone like me (like many of us), because I never felt as though the 80s movies applied to my teenage experience. Not ever remotely. This book, however, looking back on it after a week, did an excellent job. Doyle's treatment of teenage music, culture, sociology, and mentality is spot-on. I wouldn't say that I identify with any one character, not even the main one who shares my name, but the book is played by an ensemble cast. Take all those characters together, along with the jokes that you wouldn't necessarily realize are jokes if you're still in high school yourself, and I'm in there between those two covers. We're all in there.