A Treasury of Royal Scandals by Michael Farquhar

The full title of this book reads: A Treasury of Royal Scandals: The Shocking True Stories of History's Wickedest, Weirdest, Most Wanton Kings, Queens, Tsars, Popes, and Emperors.

Damn.

How could it possibly deliver? The paperback cover is a little cheeky drawing of buxom female member of royalty, all done up in the proper attire, with a smirk and a raised eyebrow on her face, and an anonymous hand down her front. Scandalous, indeed.

First of all, I genuinely believe that anyone who isn't interested in the naughty behavior of the European monarchs is either a liar, or someone I'm not going to invite over for dinner. This kind of stuff is where gossip hounds and history buffs can finally meet, their skills and interests finally converging after years of teasing each other on the playground.

What matters here aren't the dates, but who did what to whom, whether the action in question is fuck, kill, excommunicate, behead, etc. is inconsequential - the stories are great.

I'm one of those people who would never in her right mind spend money on a gossip rag. I don't care enough about Angelina & Brad, or even Britney, to ever spend hard-earned money on one of those things. However, when I am waiting in line for something, or at someone else's house with idle time, I will make a beeline for those same gossip rags. In a way, Treasury is a compromise for people like me.

You can satisfy your gossipy half by reading about who married whom, and your intellectual half by telling yourself, "It's practically history." No wonder this thing is a national bestseller.

Farquhar arranges the stories by theme, rather than chronology, which also gives it a fresh feeling. First we have transgressions of various important personages coinciding with the seven deadly sins. Then a little of horrible marriages, followed by horrible family relations, then horrible papal behavior, then horrible deaths, etc. At first it was confusing, but I came to appreciate it by the end.

If you think you will like this book, you will. I had my standards set pretty high, but there is behavior detailed in this book that genuinely surprised and disgusted me. It was all really really interesting, too. The descriptions of the inbred royal family members is especially enlightening.

I couldn't single out a single act, or even a list, of my favorite things detailed in this book. If you want a STAR magazine version of European history, I highly recommend Treasury. It's an easy read that can be done in chunks, if necessary, it's very entertaining, and it has short chapters. Even illustrations from the time period. What else could you possibly want?!